This blog is about the people that I have encountered in the emergency department.
I am by no means a competent writer but I thought I'd post stuff up here from time to time and maybe someone will like it.
My first week in the emergency department was in July of 2013 in what must have been the summer of love because I seemed to be performing 4-5 pelvic exams a shift. I'm editing this post from the future because I realize I no longer ask about what had happened but at the time the patient encounters always come with interesting stories. About how "he's a dog", "I wanted to twerk it", or whatever.
It was a averagely busy July evening when a 250lb woman came in tearing up about how she was getting "yelled out" by her boyfriend for "popping the pussy with some G".
I remember her eyes were darting around the room like he might show up so I calmed her down I told her we'd do a pelvic and make sure she didn't have any STDs. I had to see some other sick patients so she was waiting for about half an hour.
While talking to another patient I hear her in the background on the phone "I'M GETTING FUCKING CHECKED! I AINT GOT SHIT! JUST WATCH! I'LL BRING THAT PUSSY BACK TO YOU CLEAN!". One of the nurses said she needed to keep it down. The woman bursts out of the curtain covered only above her waist and starts slapping her ass dancing in a circle screaming "I NEED TO GET MY COOCHIE CHECKED!!! I NEED TO GET MY COOCHIE CHECKED!!!". Everyone was process what they were watching unable to do anything before she receded back behind the curtain.
After that she quieted down. I went in did my exam and got her out. I went to present my findings and my senior asked me about my Coochie Mama. I told him he was right she needed to get it checked because it turned out she had trichomonas (a common STD).
After those first 5-6 days my speculum exams quieted down but got the nickname as the man with the golden speculum.
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